What is bullying?
Bullying is behavior that hurts someone else. It includes name calling, hitting, pushing, spreading rumors, threatening or undermining someone.
It can happen anywhere – at school, at home or online. It's usually repeated over a long period of time and can hurt a child both physically and emotionally.
Types of bullying
Bullying can take different forms. It could include:
Bullying may be physical or verbal. Teasing, ignoring, or intentionally hurting another child are all types of bullying. Harassment and sexual harassment are also considered forms of bullying. Bullies may be large and aggressive, but they also could be small and cunning. Victims of bullying have poor self-confidence and typically react to threats by avoiding the bully. Both bullies and their victims make up a fringe group within schools. Those children who bully want power over others. Both bullies and their victims feel insecure in school. Boys typically bully by using physical intimidation. Girls bully in a less obvious manner by using social intimidation to exclude others from peer interactions.
What is cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place online. Unlike bullying offline, online bullying can follow the child wherever they go, via social networks, gaming and mobile phone.
Types of cyberbullying
Cyberbullying involves the use of websites, e-mail, text messaging, and cell phones. Children who engage in cyberbullying use electronic forms of communication to spread false rumors, gossip, and make verbal attacks. Although it is important to respect your child’s privacy, his or her safety is more important.
Signs of bullying
No single sign will indicate for certain that your child's being bullied, but watch out for:
• belongings getting 'lost' or damaged
• physical injuries, such as unexplained bruises
• being afraid to go to school, being mysteriously 'ill' each morning, or skipping school
• not doing as well at school
• asking for, or stealing, money (to give to whoever's bullying them)
• being nervous, losing confidence, or becoming distressed and withdrawn
• problems with eating or sleeping
• bullying others.
Effects of bullying
The effects of bullying can last into adulthood. At its worst, bullying has driven children and young people to self-harm and even suicide.
Children who are bullied:
• may develop mental health problems like depression and anxiety
• have fewer friendships
• aren't accepted by their peers
• are wary and suspicious of others
• have problems adjusting to school, and don't do as well.
All children who are affected by bullying can suffer harm – whether they are bullied, they bully others or they witness bullying.
Who's at risk
Any child can be bullied for any reason. If a child is seen as different in some way, or seen as an easy target they can be more at risk.
This might be because of their:
• race or ethnic background
• gender
• sexual orientation.
Or it could be because they:
• appear anxious or have low self-esteem
• lack assertiveness
• are shy or introverted.
Popular or successful children are also bullied, sometimes because others are jealous of them. Sometimes a child's family circumstance or home life can be a reason for someone bullying them.
Disabled children can experience bullying because they seem an easy target and less able to defend themselves.
Support for parents and caregivers
You might experience a huge range of emotions if you discover a child's being bullied. Whether it's a child in your care or someone you know, we have tips to help you cope.
Talk to them about bullying and cyberbullying
If you suspect your child is being bullied, explain to them what bullying is, and ask if anything like that has happened to them. Keep calm, and listen carefully to what they say.
• They may feel really scared, embarrassed or ashamed that they’re being bullied, and they may be worried about what will happen if they tell anyone.
• Once you know your child is being bullied, remember to check in with them regularly. Remind them that they can talk to you about how they’re feeling whenever they want.
• Not sure how to start the conversation? Check out our advice on talking about difficult topics.
Let them know who to ask for help
If they don’t want to talk to you, suggest they have a chat with another trusted adult, such as a teacher or family member.
• Make sure your child has a phone number of an adult who can help.
• Encourage your child to walk with an adult or an older child if she does not feel safe at school or in the neighborhood.
• Identify safe areas (neighbor’s home, library, community center) and tell your child to go to one of these areas if he feels threatened.
Help them relax and take a time out
Children and young people may lack confidence as a result of bullying. Help them find things to do that make them feel good, like listening to, or playing, music, or doing sport. Give them opportunities to help build their confidence.
• Remember to reassure them that it’s not their fault and that they’re loved and valued.
Report bullying on social media and online gaming
As well as supporting your child emotionally, there are practical steps you can take if the bullying has taken place on an online platform, such as a social media app or online gaming chat room.
• Don’t stop them from using the internet or their mobile phone. It probably won’t help keep them safe, it may feel like they’re being punished and could stop them from telling you what’s happening.
• Make sure your child knows how to block anyone who posts hateful or abusive things about them on each app or online service they use. You can usually find details of how to do this in the help or online safety area, under Settings.
• Report anyone who is bullying your child to the platform that’s carried the offending comments, audio, image or video. Contact some of the most popular social media platforms and learn more about blocking and reporting, such as: Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, Skype.
Report bullying videos shared online
Get in contact with the site the video's been shared on as soon as possible. Social networks are more likely to take the video down if the child involved in the video or their parents make the report. Depending on their terms and conditions, they may be able to remove it from the site.
Report hate crime
Bullying someone because of their gender, gender identity, sexuality, religious beliefs, race, skin color or because they have a disability, is a hate crime and against the law.
• If this is happening to your child or a child you know, you or the child can report it online. You or your child can also contact the police by phone.
Talk to your child’s school or club
If your child is being bullied, you can talk to their school. It doesn't matter whether the bullying is happening on the premises, outside or on the internet. All schools have a responsibility to protect their pupils from bullying.
• If your child is being bullied at a club, talk to the person in charge.
• Arrange a meeting with their teacher
• Take another person along with you for support if you feel it will help you.
• Take a notebook so you can jot down what’s said at the meeting.
• Bring any evidence you have of the bullying, such as text messages, a record of incidents, or screenshots if the bullying is happening online.
• Tell them what effect the bullying is having on your child, and make it clear you expect them to respond.
• Ask for a copy of the school or club’s anti-bullying policy, behavior policy and complaints procedure. These may be available to you before the meeting on the school or club’s website.
• Ask the teacher or organizer what action they’re going to take, making sure you all agree on what they propose to do.
• Arrange a date to speak to them again so you can see what progress has been made.
• The school may inform the Police if the bullying involves ongoing harassment and intimidation, or a hate crime, such as racism or homophobia.
If the bullying continues
Write a letter of complaint to the head teacher and arrange to meet them to discuss your concerns.
Continue to keep a record of incidents with as much information as you can including:
• photographs of any physical injuries or damaged property
• the date, location and approximate time of each incident
• any contact (letters, emails etc) you’ve had with the school.
If that doesn’t resolve it, you will need to follow different advice depending on the type of school your child goes to.
If your child goes to an independent/private school
Write to the president of the board of directors at the school address. The school office will be able to provide you with the president’s name if it’s not on the school website.
Explain the situation and include copies of letters between you and the school, as well as any evidence you have of the bullying.
If the bullying continues, a complaint can be made to the Department of Education, which can consider reports of a major failure to ensure a child’s safety.
If your child attends public school
The DOE works in close partnership with the NYPD and other City agencies as part of the City’s ongoing work to ensure safe schools and communities.
• Bullying Complaint Portal: Family engagement is critical to strong school communities and the Bullying Complaint Portal will be an easy-to-use, public-facing tool for families to report online any incidents of student discrimination, harassment, intimidation and/or bullying. Families who report incidents of bullying against their children will receive an electronic acknowledgment of receipt within one school day and will be informed of the outcome of the investigation within 10 school days. Launching in 2019, the portal will increase access for families and help the DOE determine where additional resources are needed at schools across the city.
What does the Bible say about bullying?
The Bible doesn’t talk directly about bullying, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t use biblical principles to address the issue. The Bible commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31) and to treat others the way we would like to be treated (Luke 6:31). There is no room in the Christian faith for belittling or abusing someone. Every person, regardless of what he or she looks or acts like, is created in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27; James 3:9-10) and is worthy of the dignity that God gives to every person.
Bullying, therefore, is never okay. Thirty percent of students admit to bullying other students.[4] We should make sure we aren’t counted among them (1 John 4:20). As Christians, we are called to honor God with our words (Eph. 4:29) and our actions (James 1:22). We should constantly examine our actions and motives to make sure they line up with these standards, asking God whether there is anything displeasing to him (Psa. 139:23-24).
How does God call us to respond if we are being bullied or we see someone else being bullied?
1. If you see something, say something.
We need to have courage and stand up for those who can’t or won’t defend themselves. Of course, use wisdom in all situations. If there’s a situation that looks dangerous, get an adult to help or call the police.
2. Understand who you are in Christ.
You need to know that you are special to God and created in his image with immeasurable worth and value. He loves you and cherishes you because you are made in his image. Meditate on passages like Psalm 139:13-18.
3. Even if you are wronged, respond in a Christ-like manner.
First, we should never try and get back at a bully or seek revenge (Rom. 12:17). Instead, respond to your bully with kindness and love. Scripture calls us to love our enemies and pray for them (Matt. 5:44). You never know how your kindness may change their heart.
Second, it’s okay to stick up for yourself if you are bullied. Jesus himself, when he was slapped unjustly, did not turn the other cheek but questioned his accusers (John 18:22-23). From other passages of Scripture (Ex. 22:2-3; Neh. 4:16-18), we can see that even using physical force to defend yourself is permissible in some circumstances.
4. Reach out to those being bullied
Lastly, we need to reach out to those being bullied. One of the best ways we can do this is to befriend them and invite them to hang out with us. Not only will this make them feel loved, accepted, and less alone, it also acts as a deterrent to bullying. Another helpful thing we can do is comfort and encourage them. Remind them of their intrinsic worth and value, combatting the lies that bullies speak.
Remember, you’re not alone. Help is available – and there is hope.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988 immediately.
If you are uncomfortable talking on the phone, you can chat the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988lifeline.org.
You can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
Resources
Bullying and Cyberbullying Advice for parents and carers to help keep children safe from bullying, wherever it happens
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying/
Bullies and Victims: A Primer for Parents
https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/what-does-the-bible-teach-us-about-bullying/
