Understanding Rejection Sensitivity and How It Can Affect Your Mental Health
While no one enjoys being rejected, some people are more sensitive to social rejection than others. Individuals who are high in rejection sensitivity are so fearful and aversive of rejection that it impacts their daily lives.
These people expect to be rejected all the time. And as they anxiously look for signs that someone doesn’t want to be with them, they often behave in ways that push other people away. This behavior creates a painful cycle that can be difficult to break.
Some Signs of Rejection Sensitivity
Individuals with high rejection sensitivity constantly look for signs that they’re about to be rejected. They tend to respond dramatically to any hint that someone doesn’t want to be with them.
Because of their fears and expectations, people with rejection sensitivity tend to misinterpret, distort, and overreact to what other people say and do. They may even respond with hurt and anger. Here are the factors that influence these overreactions.
Facial Expressions
People with rejection sensitivity often misinterpret or overreact to various facial expressions. For instance, one study found that individuals higher in rejection sensitivity showed changes in brain activity when they saw a face that looked like it may reject them.
Misinterpreted Behavior
Hypersensitivity to rejection will often cause individuals to distort and misinterpret the actions of others. For example, when friends don't respond to a text message right away, a rejection-sensitive individual might think, “They no longer want to be friends with me.” Whereas someone without rejection sensitivity might be more likely to assume the friend is just too busy to reply.
Interpersonal Sensitivity
Individuals with high interpersonal sensitivity are preoccupied with all types of rejection—both perceived rejections and actual rejections. They’re also vigilant in observing and monitoring the moods and behaviors of others and are overly sensitive to interpersonal problems.
Causes of Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity isn’t caused by one single factor. Instead, there may be many factors at play. Some possible causes include childhood experiences like critical parents and bullying, along with biological factors and genetics. Here is a closer look at the factors that may lead to rejection sensitivity.
Childhood Experiences
Early experiences of rejection, neglect, and abuse may contribute to rejection sensitivity. For example, being exposed to physical or emotional rejection by a parent may increase the likelihood that someone will develop rejection sensitivity. However, the rejection doesn’t always need to be direct to have an impact.
Growing up with a parent who is emotionally unavailable or highly critical can also cause someone to develop a strong fear of rejection in other relationships.
Biological Vulnerability
It’s also thought that some people may have a biological vulnerability to rejection sensitivity. There may be a genetic predisposition or certain personality traits that increase the likelihood that someone will be sensitive to rejection.
Impact of Rejection Sensitivity
Individuals who experience high levels of rejection sensitivity experience higher degrees of psychological distress when they’re rejected, including emotional pain, anger, and sadness. In an attempt to deal with that discomfort, they're also at a higher risk of engaging in aggressiveness, social isolation, and self-injury.
Constant Need to be Liked
People who are rejection-sensitive may feel the need to be liked by everyone. And, if they are rejected, they may work extra hard to try to win that person's favor again. This reaction to rejection can lead to people-pleasing behavior as well as extensive ingratiating behaviors.
Difficulty Making Connections
A rejection-sensitive person's fear of being rejected causes them to struggle to form new connections and to undermine their existing relationships.
Relationship Problems
People who struggle with rejection sensitivity often interpret rejection as proof that they are unacceptable in some way. To them, rejection is a judgment of their worth and value as a person. And, in relationships, this belief system can be disastrous.
When someone is expecting rejection, it's hard to feel safe in relationships. Even if they aren't being rejected at the moment, they're always watching for it, expecting it to happen at any time.
Effects on Adolescents and Adults
Rejection sensitivity may start as early as the teenage years. Adolescent girls who rank high in rejection sensitivity may behave in ways that put them at a higher risk for victimization, according to a study published in Children Maltreatment. Adults with rejection sensitivity who are in romantic relationships will likely experience ongoing relationship problems. They often misinterpret events and reactions because they’re hyper-vigilant about being rejected.
Link to Mental Health Problems
Rejection is a direct threat to an individual’s sense of belonging and can have serious consequences for mental health. Even if someone isn’t actually being rejected all the time, if they perceive that they are an outcast or if they believe that they are being rejected, their mental health is still likely to decline.
However, rejection sensitivity isn’t a mental health diagnosis on its own, but it is associated with several different mental illnesses. For instance, rejection sensitivity is a risk factor for developing depression and can worsen existing symptoms.
Coping Strategies
If you suspect that you're sensitive to rejection, recognizing the symptoms—and the problems rejection sensitivity causes—can be the first step in creating change. Getting help could not only reduce your vulnerability to mental illness, but with appropriate help and intervention, also could improve your relationships. In fact, research suggests that self-regulation, which involves monitoring and controlling one’s emotional and behavioral responses, may be the key to coping with rejection sensitivity. For instance, when you perceive a potential sign of rejection, it may help to stop and reflect on the situation rather than responding immediately. Many times, cognitive behavioral therapy can help you deal with the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that fuel the fear of rejection.
A Prayer to Refocus Your Thoughts
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” - Philippians 4:8
This is a shared story from a devotion by Jessica Van Roekel, the author:
Have you ever walked into a room and felt you didn’t belong? I entered a meeting the other day, and I felt nobody wanted me there. Frowns and furrowed brows graced their faces. It spiraled me into a series of negative thoughts. I thought I wasn’t good enough, likable, or worthy of acknowledgement. I struggled to bring my attention to the purpose of the meeting because I felt rejected. Perceived rejection is assuming rejection before it has happened. I’m a genius at pre-rejecting myself on someone else’s behalf. I interpret the squint of the eyes as disapproval and the purse of the lips as annoyance toward me. I assume I’m already rejected to protect myself, but this behavior leads me into a cycle of being rejected and rejecting other people. I became aware of this tendency when the Lord revealed how the fear of rejection prevented me from walking in the ways he had for me.
God longs for us to grow in kindness and mercy. He wants us to know who we are in Christ, which is chosen, approved, desired, and discipled. Yet, when we get stuck in patterns of pre-rejection, we wrestle with these. We assume the worst about ourselves and others. Our focus drills inward until we see ourselves through a rejected lens. This rejected lens prevents us from seeing someone else’s struggles and worries. It interferes with compassion toward others. It takes us down a path of assumptions, leading to misunderstandings and broken relationships.
While many of us have external struggles with home, family, work, and finances, we also deal with internal battles. Our mind is one of the greatest places of battle, where external battles are won or lost. Pre-rejection steals our peace and promotes anxious thoughts, influencing our actions and attitudes. It’s amazing how I feed rejection when I assume I’ve been rejected. When I start from a place of assuming rejection, it impacts potential new relationships. If I’m closed off and self-protecting, it makes me seem cold and unfriendly. This is not who I am, but when I’m ruled by fear, it’s what I display. I’ve learned the secret to overcoming this tendency lies in my thoughts.
Romans 12:2 tells us to “be transformed by the renewal” of our minds, and pre-rejecting ourselves on behalf of someone else assumes the worst possible outcome. The Apostle Paul encouraged the Philippians to guard their hearts. Guarding our hearts promotes peace within ourselves and our relationships, but we must work at it. Our minds naturally run along negative tracks, but we can retrain our thoughts. Imagine what would happen if we concentrated on whatever is good, and when we walk into a room, we think about what is honorable. Rejecting yourself because you’re afraid someone might reject you doesn’t honor you or the other person.
One of the ways to overcome this tendency is to look for the good in others. I realized when I assume someone has rejected me, I’m projecting my fear of rejection onto them. They might be frowning in my direction, not because of me, but because of something in their life. Instead of responding with compassion and outward focus, we react with self-protection and self-focus. I still walk into meetings with the “Will they like me?” game playing in my head. But I’m learning to refocus my thoughts on myself and asking the Lord, “How can I show them you?” It starts in our minds and then translates into actions.
Let’s Pray:
Heavenly Father, thank you that you give us all the tools we need to live this life for you. Forgive us when we forget to use them and let our thoughts scatter to unhealthy and life-stealing pathways. We want to focus on you. You are honorable, lovely, true, commendable, just, and excellent, and when we think about you in these terms, you help us think about others in them too. Help us refocus our thoughts today. In Jesus’ name, Amen
Resources
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-rejection-sensitivity-4682652
https://www.christianity.com/devotionals/your-daily-prayer/a-prayer-to-refocus-your-thoughts.html
Mabel Martinez-AlmontE
MA, OTR/L, NCC
If you or someone you know is in a crisis, get help immediately. You can text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
DISCLAIMER: The content on this blog is generated for entertainment or/and informative purposes, but not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or behavioral health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.