GRIEF and LOSS
Grief comes in many forms. Whether brought on by the death of a loved one, a serious illness or injury, divorce, abuse, or another cause, grief is both real and intense. The loss can make a person feel as though their entire world has collapsed. Whatever type of loss you’ve suffered, by understanding the stages and types of grief, you can find healthier ways to cope.
Grieving is a highly individual experience; there's no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.
Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it's important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
Acknowledge your pain.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
Recognize the difference between grief and depression.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.
The five stages of grief
Denial: “This can't be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I'm too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I'm at peace with what happened.”
If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you'll heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that's okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won't experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don't worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you're supposed to be in.
Grief can be a roller coaster. Instead of a series of stages, we might also think of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, while the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer.
The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief.
Finding Meaning: The sixth stage of grief by David Kessler- Many people look for 'closure' after a loss. David argues that it's finding meaning beyond the stages of grief that most of us are familiar with — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — that can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience.
Seeking support for grief and loss - The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you're not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it's important to express them when you're grieving.
THE BRAIN AND WELLBEING
How does grief impact a person’s brain and overall wellbeing? Grief affects the brain, but the brain also affects grief, the brain interprets grief as emotional trauma or PTSD. Dr. Shulman explains that the human brain handles emotional trauma and stress using the same set of processes.
Grief and loss affect the brain and body in many different ways. They can cause changes in memory, behavior, sleep, and body function, affecting the immune system as well as the heart. It can also lead to cognitive effects, such as brain fog.
Healing the Brain After Loss - According to Dr. Shulman, even the effects of long-term chronic stress are reversible. She points to mindfulness and relaxation practices like journaling, cognitive behavior therapy, counseling, and creativity, as outlets for post-traumatic growth. These strategies allow feelings of safety, security, and calmness to return so that one can move forward.
GOD
When tragedy occurs, people are left with feelings of great agony and grief. For Christians, there is also an element of desperate questioning – Why, God? Faith in the midst of grief and doubt can be challenging, but not impossible. Grievers need to view loss from a biblical paradigm, for it is through the process of pain and sorrow that we can truly find comfort from a loving and caring God. Ecclesiastes 3 illustrates the circles of life, describing different seasons—a time to cry, a time to laugh, a time to grieve, a time to dance.
May I suggest to you that this hole be filled with comfort from “the God of all mercies”? Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. –2 Corinthians 1:3. . As “the Father of mercies,” God provided a Savior for us. We couldn’t be saved any other way. Anything that we have today is a mercy from God. He is the Father of mercy. In fact, He is said to be rich in grace and rich in mercy.
Our Father is also “the God of all comfort”—comfort means “to come alongside of.” The same word describes the Holy Spirit, the paraclete, the One called to our side. When the Lord Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit, He said He would send a Helper. He will abide with you forever … I promise to come to you. The Spirit of God is called to help you, to strengthen you, to relieve the loneliness, ease the grief, and calm your fears. He is your advocate in time of fear and trouble. He will be with you in the desperate hour of life. (See Psalm 30:10.) When our soul cries out for the Comforter, He comes alongside us. When we know for sure that God is with us in all life’s troubles, we can live by faith and not by fear. This is what we need when we’re grieving.
Together, we can make a powerful difference. For those in their darkest days, we can shine a light and point the way towards healing!
Prayer lifts the burden of sorrow and allows us an opportunity to draw upon God's strength and comfort. When you feel like you're drowning in pain, the God of all Comfort is reaching out to lead you through it. Honest prayers allow us to open our hearts to God and share our fears, doubts, and questions. Taking our grief to God focuses our minds on His truths and promises.
When you are unsure of what to pray, scripture and the prayers of others can help inspire your own heartfelt conversation with God. Read through the prayers below and ask God to speak comfort into your own situation. Scripture promises that if you draw near to God, He will draw near to you. Bring your grief to God and experience His presence, His peace, His strength.
Prayers:
A Prayer for When Grief Makes Praying Hard
“Jesus, my pain is so deep. My anger is fierce, my fear is crippling. And then in the midst of all of these emotions, numbness sets in. I struggle to know how to pray or where to begin! So I’m going to remind myself of truth. I know you are here with me in my grief. I know you are mending the brokenness in ways I can’t always see. Lord, hold me in your arms, take this pain and help me bear it. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.” (by Kimberly Carroll)
A Prayer for Grief: For Ourselves
Father, Thank you that you are the “source of all comfort,” like it says in 1 Corinthians 1:3. I ask for your comfort to overwhelm me right now. I am not doing okay. My heart is sad, and I don’t know what to do about it, except for coming to you right now. Help me process what I am going through, and not just sweep my feelings under the rug. I’m not good at this, so I don’t know what to do next. Help me reach out to others if I need to. Help me trust that you will be with me every moment I am going through this. I am grateful that this will not last forever, and that one day you will make all things right. Help me fix my eyes on you, and cling to you during this time. Thank you, that you meet me right where I am. Amen. (by Becky Weber)
RESOURCES
Coping with Grief and Loss - HelpGuide.org
Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler
https://www.americanbrainfoundation.org/how-tragedy-affects-the-brain
Ttb.org/For-Those- Who- Grieve
https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/prayers-for-grief.html
Mabel Martinez-Almonte, MA, OTR/L, NCC
If you or someone you know is in a crisis, get help immediately. You can text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
DISCLAIMER: The content on this blog is generated for entertainment or/and informative purposes, but not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or behavioral health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.